How to Deal With Stonewalling From a Partner

Good communication is an essential part of any healthy relationship. Healthy conversation tactics can help build a stronger partnership and resolve conflicts. But what happens when your partner starts to stonewall you? Learning how to respond to stonewalling by your partner will help you build a healthy and solid relationship.

Stonewalling can leave you feeling unheard by your partner to the extent you sometimes feel like giving up on the relationship. But is that really the best solution? No. That’s why practising certain techniques that may help you break the wall in times of conflict in your relationship can be useful.

How to respond to stonewalling: 13 effective ways

When your partner is a stonewaller, they don’t communicate feelings and evade deeper conversations out of discomfort. This behaviour is a form of gaslighting and can make the other partner feel ignored and unable to engage in difficult conversations. Here are some effective ways to resolve this problem:

1. Let your mate know the partnership is a priority for you: When your partner is stonewalling you, communication can become a challenge. However, during these times, it’s even more essential to let your mate know that the partnership is a priority for you. It can be done by showing patience, understanding, and willingness to resolve the issues that have led to stonewalling.

It’s important to reassure them of your commitment to the relationship, emphasizing your desire to work things out. It helps break the barriers and open up the lines of communication again, reinforcing the importance of the partnership.

2. Communicating openly and honestly:  If your partner often stops talking when you’re trying to converse with them, you should try different communication methods. If they’re feeling too much pressure and not purposely trying to control you, saying how you feel peacefully and gently, really hearing what they say, and taking breaks when necessary could be helpful.

3. Establishing boundaries: How do you react to stonewalling? Setting limits can help protect yourself when dealing with someone who shuts down communication. Clearly stating what behaviour you can or cannot handle and defining what you’re willing to put up with can help make a better environment for talking.
For instance, you could calmly stop a conversation if you feel the other person isn’t communicating or suggest talking at another time if they cannot communicate right there and then.

4. Focus on your self-care: A relationship with ever-building stress and tension can negatively affect your psychological and physical wellness. Ensuring you create some time for yourself will give you the mental and physical energy to work on your relationship.

Self-care should always be a priority, whether it is exercising, going out with friends, eating well, getting a massage, or even taking a nap.

5. Acknowledging that disagreements will happen: Disagreements are a part of any healthy and functioning relationship. It is essential to remember that rough patches can be normal and healthy, and disagreements can be resolved positively. Acknowledging this can foster respect and empathy, encouraging better communication in future disagreements.

6. Let them have some space:

What do you do when someone is stonewalling you? Give them some room. Don’t beg, insist, or pressure them to converse. Forcing them to engage in a conversation might backfire. They even become more closed off if you attempt to start a conversation or provoke an argument. Instead, give them time to process their feelings and thoughts.

Everyone deals with conflict differently; some people need more time than others. Be patient and let them come to you when they’re ready to talk. This approach will help maintain a respectful environment and ensure more productive conversations when they’re ready to open up.

7. Schedule a time to have a talk: You can determine how to overcome stonewalling by letting your partner know their unresponsiveness makes it clear they need to decompress. That might help them find a certain level of security and safety to open up.

If they won’t help you designate a specific date and time that’s better for them to have the discussion, go ahead and schedule it and let them know you’d appreciate their being prepared.

8. Initiate a conversation over text: Responding to stonewalling over text can be tricky, but it’s important to maintain patience and understanding. Start by acknowledging their feelings and express your own using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.

Avoid bombarding them with multiple messages if they don’t respond immediately. Instead, give them some space and time to process. It is crucial to suggest a face-to-face conversation when possible, as text messages can sometimes be misinterpreted and lack the emotional nuance of real-life interaction.

9. Try to avoid pointing fingers:

When arguments start, it’s easy to start pointing fingers. You want to feel like your feelings are validated, and using “you” phrases to lay blame can become a common part of a fight. Instead, admit to your own mistakes in the disagreement. This involves saying sorry for anything you may have done wrong and telling your partner you’re trying to see things from their point of view.

Continuing the conversation, be open and genuine about your feelings and concerns. Avoid harsh words and criticisms. Doing so creates a safe space for both of you to express your emotions freely. This can help resolve the issues and strengthen your relationship.

10. Don’t try to change your partner: When responding to stonewalling, you should help your mate understand that the desire is not to change who they are but to fix a behaviour that isn’t working for the relationship. It is one of the best ways to deal with a stonewalling husband, as it helps him recognize that silent treatment isn’t appropriate when you respect each other.

11. Try to forgive your partner: What type of person uses stonewalling? You sometimes find yourself very angry because your partner is stonewalling you. But on such occasions, you need to learn how to be calm by understanding your partner’s ways of dealing with emotions.

It would help if you made extra effort when you noticed they had difficulty showing their feelings or dealing with arguments. If you know your partner often shuts down communication, it’s important to approach the situation with understanding and forgiveness, even though it’s painful when they do this.

12. Consider relationship therapy: Sometimes, the best thing to do might be to get help from a professional to repair your relationship. Even though it is a difficult step, it offers a chance to openly discuss all the problems.

Your partner might be unsure about this, but reassure them that you’ll be with them every step of the way. Also, let them know you’re dedicated to doing everything possible to sort out the problems.

13. Know when to walk away: While there are many ways to deal with stonewalling, there are times when leaving is the better option. You should consider leaving when the situation becomes harmful and unbearable, especially if one partner becomes hostile or violent. Your safety and the safety of others should always come first.